So I was lying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. These are the best times for thinking, for deliberating on whatever bugs me. Most times I just think of weird stuff, nonsensical gibberish or maul over unhappy events and injustice.
Last night I started thinking about what I might be doing wrong when conversing. You know some people just have the gift of the gap. Maybe its the tone of their voice, the way they fit their sentence into the context of the conversation. I dunno, somehow everyone around me seems to be able to speak a lot better than I can.
Now it's not that I have a limited vocabulary, far from it. I do not profess to have excellent English skills but I would say I'm average. Reading helped a lot in this and my sentence structures do not suffer from Chinese influences.
I think the problem lies in that I like to be heard. Self-centered mentality maybe? Know it all, I'm always right mentality maybe? I dunno ... well I should really. I find it hard to converse with people. Those who are nice try to accommodate me in the conversation. Other nastier souls just brush me off.
So really I need to reach within to improve my art of conversation. "Hear, stop, think, offer small morsel, stop, check reaction, offer more if listening, if not stop." I think it's about being more intuitive to the listener's reactions to what is being said. So rather than simply going on and on about something, I need to learn to watch for their facial expressions to what I've said. And learn to listen more rather than speak.
I wonder how long I could remember on this point for self-improvement. Will my natural instinct to speak and speak mess me up again? I dunno ... only time can tell.