Learning To Be Selfish

I should learn to keep quiet! Why share your experiences and know-how when the recipients are going to abuse it. They are not going to thank you for it, they will take it for granted and then spit you out. I need to be selfish, to do things for my benefit and not the company’s. Arggghh this is so much against everything I’ve stand for. I would have liked a win-win situation where both the company’s interest and mine are satisfied. There isn’t one here so I have to choose.

Why? Because the company and its minions are going to screw you over anyways. Your boss and colleagues are going to work to their own benefit, so why shouldn’t you? Why be the whipping boy and the one who gets the detrimental results while others enjoy the benefits of their selfishness? Join the bandwagon, you are downright stupid to believe there is any goodness in people.

I likened my circumstances to this. There is a mad woman on the street stabbing people randomly with a HIV laced syringe. Several people in the vicinity have been infected. I struggled with the woman, knocked her down and pinned her to the ground. Then two police officers came by and looked at me nonchalantly. They did not try to understand the nature of the situation, all they see is me on top of a struggling, screaming woman. They went on to reprimand me for hurting the mad woman and issued a summons for my aggression. So I had to let go.

What would you have done? You can’t cure crazy, you are penalized for attempting to subdue the crazy, the only option you have left is to avoid the crazy. So avoid I did.

The whole situation reminds me of a friendly advice given by one of the directors I used to work with several years ago. She called me to her office one day for an impromptu chitchat. Although she was not in the same department, she has been working with my VP for a good twenty odd years. So my VP who was concerned that I was going about things the wrong way had asked her for a favour to guide me on the on-goings.

She said, “Everyone can see you are very dedicated and working long hours. But have you considered that maybe not everyone appreciates what you are doing? Why go against things that the senior management has decided? You see, there are so many people earning double or triple what you earn for doing a quarter of the work you do. These are people in high places and they think they know best, and they don’t like anyone telling them otherwise … Pokpok, just go with the flow. Don’t stick your head out when it is not welcomed. Your VP, myself, and many others would hate to see you suffer for your diligence and integrity.” I never quite understand what she meant until I came to my current job. It now resonates so loudly as something I should practice, for my own good. I suppose it’s never too late to learn and apply good concepts.

It’s going to take awhile for me to get used to this. Not sure if I’ll ever get there. But for my loved ones, I should try. Rewards are enjoyed by my closed family and their enjoyment is good enough a reason for me to think for me, and me alone (only in the work space).